There's a place for practicing gratitude when you're caring for a baby or toddler

Having a regular experience of gratitude re-wires the brain. It helps prune away those circuits of distressed or negative, unhelpful thinking, into which we tend to lapse, and strengthens up default neural pathways of appetite for life, and enjoyment. Of course, we can't just switch off our worried or upset thoughts, since this a part of being human. A great deal of self-compassion is required!

But we can cultivate the habit of tenderly noticing that our mind has lapsed into worries yet again, then actively recalling some of the things that we are most grateful for in our life. This time of caring for a baby or toddler is a wonderful opportunity to build new habits of mind, going forward.

Often it's not so much the situation we are in that determines how we feel, but the thoughts, meanings and interpretations we bring to that situation. Our threat system is always looking for the negative! So our challenge is to also notice and celebrate the things that inspire us and energise us, whenever we can. (This is different to 'positive thinking', which can sometimes be quite unhelpful.) It is definitely not about straining to make yourself grateful, or to write gratitude lists.

It's about taking time to remember what genuinely moves you, genuinely brings you joy, genuinely protects your sense of wellbeing and safety. It's taking time to remember what brings beauty and meaning into your life, or what touches your heart.

Here's some ideas to try out.

• Can you find stories which inspire you, which remind you of the best in other people and in life? You might find these stories in books, or movies, or in social media. What matters is that these stories remind you of the things you value most in life. Dip back into them every now and then! What good thing did another human do, or what good thing turned up in someone's life? Look for stories which impact you emotionally, because it's the repeated emotional impact of remembering life's goodness and other people's goodness that changes your brain.

• Is there a piece of music that reminds you of the things you love in life? Listen to it often, for the same reason!

• Who are the people whom you admire, who have been kind to you, whose qualities you would like to emulate? Could you pause for a second, to notice how grateful you are to have them in your life?

• Are there things in your life which you tend to take for granted, such as good food and a warm, safe home, which many other humans are unable to access right now? Do you have a moment to reflect upon how grateful you are for these?

• Does your body serve you well, with all it's unique ability and human diversity? Could you remember to thank your precious body, for instance, each time you step outside the door for a walk, with your baby or toddler in a stroller or a carrier?

• Are you in a loving relationship? What a joyful, nurturing gift that is, even though difficulties will often arise! Do you have good sex sometimes? How precious is that!

I find that taking a moment to notice and then put into words my genuine gratitude to others, as part of my normal daily exchanges, enriches my life. I try to remember before I go to sleep to look back over the day and dwell for a moment on all those many things I am grateful for.

I've never kept a gratitude journal, since for me that feels like yet another task to fit into a day. And creating gratitude lists doesn't necessarily help, anyway. I would expect that typing notes or picking up a pen is far too hard right now as you care for your little one, too. But we can do it in our minds and hearts, by living a little slower (... babies and toddlers have a way of slowing us down ...) and paying close attention to what truly moves and inspires us.

Recommended resources, acknowledgements, and selected references for the articles in the Caring for you section of The Possums Sleep Program are found here, including selected research evaluations of both Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Compassion-focused Therapy in the perinatal period.