What to do about sensory motor stimulation when your baby doesn’t like the car?

Newborns and young babies often dial up in the car

Women often say to me that their baby hates being in the car. Young babies in particular often dial up in the car capsule during travel. This can make it difficult to get out and enjoy social activities.

To my mind, babies dial up in the car because

• Car capsules or convertible car seats need to be rear-facing for the first six months of your baby's life, which doesn't allow a view of the world around them

• Your little one can't really see out of the car, even as her colour, focus and depth perception develops

• He feels that you are a long way from him, unavailable, and he experiences the lack of sensory stimulation in car travel as frightening.

Typically babies are much happier to be in the car once it is safe to have them forward facing, sitting up enough to see out.

Getting out for a sensory adventure is best for your baby even if he cries while you're getting there

Yet many or most of us live in a car culture. Driving the car is necessary if we want to get out and engage socially. Babies dial up inside the house because our interiors are low sensory environments. They do much better when they are experiencing rich and diverse sensory nourishment, outside the home.

This is why I recommend that you plan enjoyable days outside the home, socially engaged or doing the things that give you a sense of purpose and vitality. And this means accepting that your baby may dial up during the drive to get there.

Some ideas for managing a baby who cries or screams in the car

When your baby screams in the car, and there is no-one available to sit in the back seat and interact with her, you might

• Time the trip for when the sleep pressure is likely to be high and your baby is more likely to drop off to sleep (but don't miss out on your activity or arrangement for this reason!)

• Offer milk at the last minute before you leave

• Stop to breastfeed or feed your baby. Often women try this once or twice in a trip across town, or into town. Other times, it just seems sensible to get there

• Practice anchoring your attention in the present moment, and accept the anxious or distressed feelings that are coursing through your body. Make room for those feelings, at the same time as you pay very careful attention to your hands on the wheel, to the road, to the other cars

• Practice self-compassion, because it's incredibly distressing when our baby screams.

You might also try

• A dummy or pacifier (depending on whether you like to use this or not – some families really only use it in the car)

• Music

• Singing loudly

• Installing

  • Mobiles

  • Mirrors

  • Ipad with video (depending on baby’s age).

With an older baby who is taking solids, you might offer food. Be ready for mess.

Does dialling up in the car harm your baby?

Women often ask me if baby’s crying in the car will do harm that sensitive developing brain. Your baby might scream in the car more than she has ever done elsewhere in the whole of her short little life! We're hardwired to be very upset when our babies are upset.

I explain that responsive care is a matter of patterns over time. As a pattern over time, you are responding to your baby, and aiming to keep her as sensibly dialled down as you can. Being out and about is so important for the well-being of both the mother and baby, that the crying in the car is worth it.

Of course, primary carers don't plan to spend too much of the day in the car, and will calibrate trips to try to minimise the crying. At the same time, baby’s crying in the car won’t harm the baby, and brings wonderful sensory nourishment of being engaged in the world once you reach your destination.