You could create your own Ultimate Compassionate Image to look at sometimes when you're caring for a baby or toddler
An image is a form of thinking that is rich in sensory information. Remembering or creating an image comes with certain feelings because our brain reads the image as if it is somewhat real. These emotions powerfully sculpt neural pathways, which become default networks.
This is what all human cultures and religious traditions have known down the millenia. That together as people we need to create images which remind us that we are not alone in the world, which comfort us in the face of our often extraordinary human struggle and suffering, which bring us together in celebration of the wonder of life, regardless.
But in this most challenging of centuries, many of the images that we are bombarded with make us feel “less than” others, or needy, or frightened.
You might like to create your own image bank, so that you can draw upon them regularly.
Often I’ll use an image of a waterfall of love and light flowing through me, or a spring of healing water and light flowing up from the earth through my feet. Sometimes I imagine a wise old woman who loves me very deeply, who ‘gets’ me to my essence, walking beside me with her hand on my arm, or giving me a hug. These images work for me, though they might not work for you.
You might find comfort in the image of an ancient tree, branches spreading out above in shelter and protection. I'll often walk under the old Moreton Bay figs down by the river near me (photographed below), because they bring me comfort. Others have an animal as their compassionate support, such as a steadfast beautiful mare who walks and gallops by their side. You might have special songs which give you strength, or poetry, or an object or painting. Perhaps a piece of jewellery.
What works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another. But can you find images which fill you with warmth and a sense of being deeply loved and protected? Of being profoundly accepted, just as you are, with all your imperfections, strengths, your astonishing complexity? Images which remind you how brave and worthy of love you are, as you get up to live your best possible life each day with your small child?
Touch or look at this image or item all the time, not just when you’re upset. That way, your brain will lay down pathways so that when you are upset, you'll still remember the power of your special item. Use this image to remind you that you are not alone, that the painful feelings you have at times are part of being human, including part of caring for a small child. Knowing this truth about being human, about being a parent, protects you in the midst of pain and distress.
Ask what your Ultimate Compassionate Being might have to say about the things that are most upsetting you.
Offer this compassion to every other person you encounter, too, and especially to every other mother. Look at her with great tenderness. How amazing she is! She might not be doing it the way you would, but she is using all her courage and strength and wisdom to care for her little one, as best she knows how. How worthy she is of respect and love!
Recommended resources, acknowledgements, and selected references for the articles in the Caring for you section of The Possums Sleep Program are found here, including selected research evaluations of both Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Compassion-focused Therapy in the perinatal period.
