It's biologically normal for toddlers to need physical contact and comfort when they wake in the night

It's normal for your toddler to need your physical presence and comfort in the night. If you are able to respond to your toddler in a physical way, with feeds and cuddles, sleep is easiest overall.

You can find out why breastfeeding your toddler back to sleep doesn't create bad habits here. You can find a discussion about when to stop using the bottle in the night with a toddler who isn't breastfed here.

From an evolutionary perspective, human beings are social sleepers. From the beginning of time, human babies and toddlers have slept up close to their mothers' or other loving adults' bodies. As adults, many of us still prefer to be sleeping next to a loving partner, if we can.

Your toddler may be sleeping in his own room now. He might still be sleeping in your room, or in your bed. Parents know what's best in their own unique situation. But wherever you are sleeping your little one, responding to your toddler in the night when he cries out teaches him trust.

In Western societies from after the Industrial Revolution, parents have been advised to hasten independence in their babies and toddlers, including with sleep. Authorities have given parents a lot of information which we now know, from the latest sciences of attachment psychology and child development, is simply not true. This out-of-date information has included telling parents that toddlers

• Develop greater independence and psychological maturity if parents are careful not to 'spoil' them

• Should not be exposed to too much stimulation, to protect the developing nervous system

• Sleep best by minimising sensory motor stimulation before sleep

• Require spacing out of breastfeeding (if the toddler’s still breastfed), so that they don't develop bad habits and become needy

• Shouldn't be picked up and offered comfort when they cry in the night, because this makes them needy

• Should sleep in their own room to teach them independence

• Will develop bad sleep habits and become needy if they are breastfed every time they seem to want it

• Shouldn't be cuddled or held if they wake at night, because this creates bad sleep habits, is too hard for parents, and also makes your little one needy.

Throughout my life-time, I've watched courageous evolutionary anthropologists and breastfeeding advocates speak out and critique the medical and psychology establishments over the advice listed above, explaining that these approaches come from a specific (Western) cultural perspective.

Now, all the neuroscience tells us that responding to your toddler in the night teaches your little one good habits - most importantly, the good habit of believing that life, and those she loves, can be trusted to respond. This good habit will help your toddler form trusting, secure relationships, for the rest of her life.