Would night weaning from the breast help your toddler sleep better?
Breastfeeding your toddler back to sleep typically makes nights easiest
Milk is just one part of a complex package. Milk comes bundled up with rich sensory motor nourishment, both contact with your body, and the soothing of sucking movements of that little mouth. In the night, it doesn't help to try to separate out when a breastfed toddler is hungry for milk from when a toddler is hungry for the wonderful sensory motor package (you) that the milk comes with.
It can help to know that
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A pattern of excessive night waking is typically caused by disruptions to your toddler's circadian or body clock settings.
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Your toddler isn't waking excessively in the night because you breastfeed her frequently and flexibly. But she has learnt that when she wakes, the most lovely way to go back to sleep is with the breast. This is not a bad habit - it's a gift you've given her!
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If your toddler is waking excessively at night, a reset of his body clock is required. If you work through The Possums Sleep Program, I would expect your toddler to return to developmentally normal, more manageable night waking within a couple of weeks.
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Instead of receiving help for the true underlying problem with your toddler's body clock settings, you might receive a lot of conflicting advice when your breastfeeding child is waking excessively at nights. You can find out more here.
Breastfeeding women find nights are easiest when they breastfeed their toddler back to sleep. But this only works if
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Your toddler isn't waking excessively through the night. If your toddler is waking excessively, it can seem as if you are breastfeeding all night long.
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You mostly fall back to sleep quickly in the night. You can find ideas about what to do if you're lying awake in the night while your toddler sleeps here.
Weaning from the breast doesn't necessarily help your toddler sleep better
Are you in a sleep crisis and thinking about weaning, perhaps by having another loving adult take over in the night, because
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You're toddler is waking excessively through the night? You can find out more here.
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The nights are a constant sleep battle, as you try to space out breastfeeds? You can find out more here.
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You're feeling miserable with severe exhaustion and sleep deprivation? You can find out more here.
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You're lying awake in the night when your toddler sleeps? You can find out more here.
These are serious problems which need to be resolved. But weaning is not necessarily the best answer, depending on your situation. Women often feel sad if they've weaned their toddler from the breast before they were ready, only to discover, once their toddler's waking returns to normal amounts, that they've lost their best tool for getting everyone back to sleep quickly in the night - and that weaning from the breast wasn't necessary to improve the nights!
Over the decades of my experience working with breastfeeding women, I've observed that the closer the little one is to two years of age, the more quickly the child adapts to being night weaned, and the more likely he is to sleep for longer blocks in the night once weaned (though he may still wake in the night, anyway). My observation makes sense, given that over our evolutionary history and across cultures of the global majority still today, toddlers have typically breastfed until two years of age or longer.
Only you know when it's time to wean your child
There is no right or wrong time to wean, only the time that works for you as a breastfeeding woman, whether you breastfeed for four days or four years. As women, we live complex 21st century lives, managing multiple demands and roles. You are the one who knows what's right or possible for you and your child.
You should never be judged for decisions you make about this. For many women, the decision to wean from the breast is out of their control, anyway. When I see a breastfeeding woman in the clinic who has questions about weaning, my role is to provide accurate science-based information, as best I can, and to empower her own decision-making, wherever she is at.
Breastfeeding continues to be protective throughout toddlerhood, and remains a source of closeness and enjoyment for many mother-baby pairs into the preschool years. But women already know the benefits of breast milk for their children's gut, metabolic and immune systems. I aim to focus on each family's values, and the growing of joy, however this looks for them at this time in their lives.
You can find out about how you might wean your child from the breast when you're ready, here.
Busting some common myths about night-time breastfeeding and sleep
Here are three common myths about weaning from the breast and sleep, alongside some evidence-based information. Hopefully this helps you decide what’s right in your own unique context, for you, for your precious toddler, and for your family!
| Myth # | The breastfeeding and sleep myth | The evidence |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Your toddler will sleep for longer blocks of time without needing your attention if you wean at nights. | There's no reliable evidence showing that night weaning decreases the frequency of night waking. You could wean your toddler at night before you're ready, then find your toddler wakes just as often – but you’ve lost your best tool for getting your toddler back to sleep easily and quickly! |
| 2 | Your toddler wakes a lot at night because she has developed the bad habit of expecting the breast every time she surfaces from quiet sleep into active sleep, at the end of a sleep cycle. The habit of expecting the breast makes toddlers wake a lot in the night. | Whilst your toddler has learnt that the loveliest way to get back to sleep in the night is snuggled up with a breastfeed, that is not a bad habit but a gift you’ve given your little one. Your small child has developed the good habit of expecting the world around him to respond with love and generosity, which builds his capacity to form trusting relationships life-long. Typically, toddlers wake excessively at night due to disrupted body clock settings. |
| 3 | If you want to wean in the night, you also have to wean during the day and evenings, because otherwise your toddler will still expect to breastfeed in the night. | As much breast milk as possible is good for toddlers. Toddlers are quick learners. If you decide to stop offering the breast during the Big Sleep at night, you can continue to breastfeed during the day and at bed-time.You're teaching your little one that when it's night, she can no longer breastfeed, but when there is sunlight, she can. |
Selected references
Veile A, Miller V. Duration of breast feeding in ancestral environments. Encyclopedia of Evolutionary Psychological Science. https://link.springer.com/referenceworkentry/10.1007/978-3-319-19650-3_818: Springer, Cham.; 2021.
Recommended resources
Breastfeeding your toddler to sleep doesn't cause bad habits
What to do about daytime sleeps when you're weaning your toddler?
What to do about toddler sleep when you're ready to wean from the breast?
