What to do about daytime sleeps when you're weaning your toddler from the breast?

Women have the right to know that it's not the breastfeeding which causes excessive night waking, so that they don't wean unnecessarily

Are you actually ready to wean or is your toddler waking excessively at night and you've heard that night weaning will help your him wake less often? Often when your toddler's body clock is out of sync, you can feel as if you're breastfeeding all night, which is not sustainable. People might suggest that weaning is the solution. But excessive night waking isn't caused because you

• Breastfeed frequently and flexibly

• Breastfeed your toddler to sleep.

If your small child is waking excessively at night, weaning is not likely to help, though a body clock reset will. If you wean in this situation, you'll have lost your best tool for making the nights as easy and as manageable as possible.

What about naps if you're weaning your toddler from the breast?

If your toddler has often gone to sleep at the breast during the day, and you're now ready to wean, then it's time to rely heavily on your toddler-sleep superpower #2, rich sensory motor nourishment to dial your little one down into sleep during the day. We want the sleep pressure to become so high that sleep comes quickly and easily with a little cuddle and a walk or a rock. Weaning during the day is a time for as much exciting sensory motor adventure as you can possibly create outside the house!

Some women wean during the day gradually, by refusing to offer the breast other than at designated times. They might breastfeed only at wake-up time, daytime nap time, and evening bed-time, for example. Then when it's time to wean completely, with any luck the little one may already be used to limited access to the breast. This works for some.

But for other breastfeeding women, gradually restricting access to the breast means having to cope with exhausting bouts of dialled up behaviour from their small child over a period of days and weeks, and is unworkable.

With toddlers and older children, it can be kindest and easiest for the child (and for the whole family) to set a day, then proceed from that day without daytime breastfeeds (managing your breasts so that you hand express or pump a little if they are becoming too sore and tight). You'll work out what you think is right in your own situation. If you experiment and decide you've made a mistake - that you're not ready, that you're child isn't ready - that's alright, you can change your mind and try again further down the track.

You might decide to wait until you have another loving adult around to take the little person out for as many daytime sensory motor adventures as possible. This is because whenever your weaning child sees or is in contact with you, she is likely to begin to dial up. You could expect her to feel sad and angry for a number of days, perhaps a week! You've given her a wonderful gift by breastfeeding her during the day, and now it's time for her to learn something new, which is that there is no more suckling - no more milk - from her mummy's breast. There's still lots and lots of cuddles available for her though!

Recommended resources

World Health Organisation: Infant and young child feeding - key facts

Breastfeeding your toddler to sleep doesn't cause bad habits

What to do about daytime sleeps when you're weaning your toddler?

How best to support a breastfeeding woman so that toddler sleep isn't entirely up to her?

Would it help your toddler's sleep to delay or space out breastfeeding in the night?

Would night weaning help your toddler sleep better?

Would weaning or increasing the amount of solids your toddler eats help with sleep?

What to do about toddler sleep when you're ready to wean from the breast?

Selected references

Veile A, Miller V. Duration of breast feeding in ancestral environments. Encyclopedia of Evolutionary Psychological Science. https://link.springer.com/referenceworkentry/10.1007/978-3-319-19650-3_818: Springer, Cham.; 2021.